Losing Faith

Well, I stopped the hcg injections during the period phase. What a disaster. Trying to go back on the diet after the hcg stopped even for a couple of days was extremely difficult. So far, I have "cheated" every single day since the period began. I told husband to just re-start the injections. I am asking Dr. T what the HELL was he thinking having me go off the shots just for period. Now, I am ravenous. I am scared to step on the scale, which is stupid because the "worst" thing I did was have two pieces of whole wheat bread (organic) with horrors, one piece of turkey bologna.

In addition to my steak, asparagus, two poached eggs and a few strawberries.

And that's IT for today, although last night was Hubby's brother's birthday. Again, not too bad - Cuban Chicken (had potatoes, onions, chicken sans cigar, raisins) and black beans (tablespoon full) and 2 inches (literally) of whole wheat bread stuff, yes with butter - a little, and a smidgeon of carrot cake. And salad. And again, felt terrible the next AM.

The meal before that was a day of decent eating and then sushi after a movie. The white rice is the big no no.

But no alcohol, no chocolate binges - not even MILK at this juncture.

But going with absolutely no carb on this diet without the hcg has been ridiculous.

And also, I can't help but think those fucking shingles have been part of this.

SO. I have a million questions for Dr. T tomorrow - including asking why, given how NOT hungry I've been, am I RAVENOUS NOW?

Please god don't say I have to "fat load" again. I am scared, literally, to get on the damn scale.

That is NONSENSE. I am getting on the scale in the AM. Scared of a scale is stupid.

Besides, I can just keep swinging at it.

But my "fat" jeans (the 14s) feel tight today.

DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT

No more going off hcg and I don't care WHAT ANYONE SAYS until it's "time" because I feel like I'm starting all over again, and after all this hard work too.