Less Than A Pound!

Well, today is the first day that I have gotten on the scale and registered LESS than one pound loss. I was 189.6 yesterday and was 188.8 today.

And the things that go through my head are interesting in a way.

First I think IMMEDIATELY: "What did I do wrong yesterday?" And of course, I come up with some answers, e.g. Kevin grilled the chicken breasts outside in his Usual Way - which meant there were plenty of spices and salt on them. Perhaps I had too much salt? Then I think, well the car accident yesterday left me pretty stiff and sore - I KNOW I did not have as much water as I should have - maybe I'm retaining water. And finally (if you are squeamish and do not want too much information, do not read on, given that this blog is really just for me anyway)... Finally, I am getting breakthrough bleeding - my period has been erratic and wacky since the IUD and also since hitting 45 - maybe this has something to do with it - but it's not "period" per se - just a hint of color and so... what to do? My chat friends and Simeons and even Dr. T say "no shots during period" but this doesn't feel like period - not like a real one that would require... um.. accouterments or other products in order to manage it.... And Dr. K. says it's not a real period because the IUD makes everything stupid anyway.

So, I'm going to wait and see. But I am going to drink a boat load of water. Come to think of it, my "skinny jeans" which as size 12 jeans I got from my friend A. are tight today - maybe I'm a bloat princess and the water will just come off as easily as it has been retained? I KNOW that I am not gaining more fat, because I DID NOT CHEAT! Even a teensy bit! Not even a taste of a half of french fry that laid on my son's plate as I passed (quickly) through the kitchen.

Did you know that food you may not eat because you are choosing to restrict the type and amount of intake you have.. that the food actually TALKS? Indeed, it's true! This particular french fry spoke in a voice not unlike Tiny Tim and it said "look at me all forlorn - and I am so very small and recall how good I taste? Or do you just reject me outright?" (The poor fry had low self esteem - you know how I like to help others out..) But then I realized IT WAS A PLOT! I could hear the murmuring of the other, larger fries left on the plate and knew, at that moment - they were just using the Tiny Tim fry as a way to get my mouth open, and then? A Fry Melee, that's what! So SCREW YOU LEFTOVER WENDY'S FRIES!!!

I wonder if mild psychosis is part of the hcg diet. I think in three years I need to take Dr. K and Dr. T and our families and go to Poland and do a really good study, away from the USA and the FDA and so forth - to really examine this diet. There have to be other people who are interested in seeing if the hcg really is the thing that is working here, or if it's simply a 500 cal per day diet. Dr. T said it would be unethical to do a double blind study (some get hcg some do not) because putting people on 500 kcal per day would be starving them. But with hcg, because of the (alleged) fat release into the body, I and others like me, are not starving. And I must say, here at the beginning of day 7 - I am not starving. If you knew me, you would find this to be completely unreal. So, is my lack of feeling completely starving (I was going to say deprived but I still do feel limited and deprived) associated with a) a real hcg/stored "old" fat release into my bloodstream or b) with my BELIEF and the SUGGESTION that hcg will release fat into my bloodstream and I won't be hungry?

HEY! Here's a idea - if you had two groups - one who was told they would get hcg, and got hcg and also were told all about the reason it worked, why it worked, etc. and you had the OTHER group who ALSO got hcg but were told that it was just a vitamin injection to keep up their vitamin levels while they were on the vlcd - would you see a difference in a) actual weight loss and b) report of levels of hunger? I suppose you could check on cheating but would people tell you? They likely would, if their cheating were reported by number and so it could not be traced back to them.

What if this hcg is truly a workable thing - and that millions of overweight people could be helped rapidly (which in our culture seems to be pretty important, both in our impatience levels as well in desperately needed hope, for people like me who have 'done everything') - if they could take off at least 10% of their body weight - I know that this leads to dramatic increases in overall health and decreases in risk factors - and for my part, a changing view of me as a person.

As I lifted weights and now on this very restrictive and monk-like food existence- I see - oh just an inkling - my self-cognition changing... I think about greasy cheeseburger from the fast food joint and while I remember the deliciousness of it, I can actually imagine the later disappointment of the experience - the slick, full, sluggish feeling of it. I think only after you really really don't eat anything "bad" (and I hate to label the poor burger as bad) - can you potentially reset what tastes like what.

For example, the baked apples.

Those baked apples, with stevia - something that I have HATED for months when friends have tried to get me to eat it - and with cinnamon - were truly delicious. They were sweet - they were cinnamon-y - and I longed for a glass of milk (skim this time) to go with them. I had water though.

How can they taste good when only 7 days ago I was gorging on chocolate cake (forgot to put that in the gorge section) and fatty food? If you had had me eat them, in the middle of the gorge portion of the diet, I would have scoffed at the "baked apples" and likely said that they tasted horrible.

I want to learn more about how people come to prefer tastes - and if you don't overload their taste buds with fat (a flavor enhancer, this I know) and salt (the ultimate flavor enhancer - intensity enhancer) and god knows what other chemicals that make it all seem to taste so good - if you give the mouth a rest - does the subtlety of the strawberry or the spinach leaf with lemon - does it literally "improve" in taste, as per the brain's preference?

Boy, this line of query for my questing brain might be even more fun that that year I spent learning everything you'd ever want to know about house cats.